It is disappointing to understand no one in your world will love or care for you if you are attached to a maternal parent who hates you, but on the other side of that, it is helping me become who I really want to be. No support from so called family will do that to you. I was a realtor a couple of years ago, decided to make it full time, suddenly, the so called family became monitoring spirits instead of support. I don’t blame them, I blame myself for staying attached to them for so long. I came back to stay with said parent, (because life just be life-ing sometimes), and now I understand I have to end everything with these people, period. This lady who bore me is a hole of nothingness which she graces everyone in her life with. She will honor and call herself loving on my child, without acknowledging I am the parent who is raising him to be the smart and sweet child he is. She will listen to everything you say to throw back the negative or twist the situation to match the demented thoughts in her mind. She has a past she is unwilling to get therapy for, she sits and blasts stories about sexual abuse and the whole Daystar church shit like it’s a hot topic to talk about, despite the fact I have told her plenty of times I don’t want to talk about that stuff.

I’m telling you this because while I appear to be light, I am so very dark. Having a birth portal I have been attached to all my life and is essentially and 70 year old weirdo who acts like they are 7 years old at times, will do that to you. A lot of what I will say, will do, will be highly inappropriate to some, others might get it……but, it’s who I am, who I want to be at this point. I’ve gotten through a lot of craziness with her and the sperm that made me in the last six months…….really if I was a lesser person I would have fucked them up nice and good, especially that sorry ass DL “father” of mine; but their own life paths will continue to lead them to the hell they so desire while here on earth. Needless to say, with a mother who is in competition and hates her kids, she has no relationships with any of her kids and “HER” family is broken, I no longer claim none of these people. I used to feel sorry for the kids—-I hope they see how “being me” is a threat to this so called family and make better life choices to disconnect from the ones they need to in order to have a better life.