I was the glue

that kept the piece of shit family I was a part of together. The one who I came from was always a hater, baby arguing with her kids like she was a kid when we were kids. I could never compare how she was to other mothers…..Clearly she has been a weirdo my entire life, but it was always like she was a big ole kid herself. It took me living a little life, being a caseworker for almost 20 years to understand why she was the was, but it is not an excuse to keep a relationship with someone like her. Like for real she’s so weird for real and I know a bit of it rubbed off on me. When she picked me up from New Jersey and she was describing abuse she felt occurred between my nephew and niece, I said to myself she might actually be a pedophile. She kept describing what she said happened over and over and then produced this weird ass fake cry, with tears mind you talking about how she had been abused. Nothing connected when she talked but I felt so bad for my sister whose child was the topic because I knew that sister was gone mentally for real. I cried for her and her child soul and told that mother of mine to stop talking to me about it, I just wanted to hit her because something wasn’t adding up. In talking with my nephew a few weeks later who vehemently denied his brother doing what his grandmother accused him of—it’s not that I trust or even know this kid like that, but something in me stirred to put BOTH of my parents on the “sus” list. While I can say the nephew in question never did anything to my baby when he watched him (baby I had a camera set up knowingly and unknowingly that stayed on when he was at my place), most people off the bat will tell you he is strange, but I got him and felt we had a particular understanding on many things actually. What made me put both of my so called parents on the list is for the simply fact I called them because I needed their help and as soon as plans were made for me to come back to this wretched state, less than 24 hours of me not talking to them for over 1-2 years they both are telling me stories accusing their oldest grandchild of sexual abuse of their youngest grandchild. On the drive back, I decided to call CPS on my sister, the mother of my nephew who was also going through the adoption process of said niece. These people hated me anyways, but there was no way I was going to stay with “Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde” without someone not having proof of what both of these clowns told me. They thought because I was down, I was going to assume the role I had played for so many years to my pathetic ass family. Negative. Neither one of them took course in the manner they should have if they felt their grandchild really did this but the gag was before I went no contact with them, they BOTH gave me reasons unbeknownst to them why I would never let my child spend the night with either them…EVER!!! Both of them were also aware of the physical abuse this same sister afflicted on her second child when he was a baby……I just decided to stop with my sisters, hell, their parents trying to keep their shit private but running with everything to anyone who is willing to listen as to why they don’t have a relationship with me anymore….scared people might believe me?????

I never considered my parents bad people, maybe losers, but not bad people. It started first with that mother when she came to get me. I started getting chills when she would talk, tremors, I wanted to drink and make the feeling go away. I hadn’t seen that lady in over 2 years and she was trying to connect/trauma bond over the abuse of her grandchild….similar abuse happened to her oldest granddaughter and I just kept thinking she was the common denominator in both cases and she did nothing. To make matter worse, over the weeks, she tried to point out how much I disliked her as a baby and never wanted her to touch me, I asked her flat out, what did she do to me….. That was probably the first time she hinted at kicking me out HER place. I stopped my train of thought, I know what I did as a child and I also know kids don’t naturally do some of those things. When she reached in for a hug when she first saw me, I told her to stop we don’t do this. Point blank, her tough does not feel good. The last time I recalled her touching me was when I was in the hospital, I didn’t even want her to touch me then, but I had no one else to help me. I recoil at the thought of her toughing me or me touching her.

I’m certain both of my parents where sexually abused; the woman, now eager to talk about it or hers to everyone but a therapist because of the Daystar community drama, I hate to say it, it’s like she was a eager participant or something. Something feels strange when she has talked about it. I have looked at the actions of the man over the years and yeah, he a DL brother. He has not mentioned anything of the sort but he’s always one to tell you how much of a man he is and how he don’t have a problem with gay people but he don’t play like that—-I’m like “Sir, no one asked you, but keep telling on yourself” eye roll. I was upfront and honest with him on why I had to go no contact with him, and when he realized I wasn’t going to beg for his help I guess he threw all his little donkey kong coins in and thought he was going to bring me down with the power of who he is!!! No worries though, he is a nobody that’s still with the dilapidated crack whore he cheated on the woman with in the late 90’s. I do admit in the past I was proud of him, even though he has always been a loser that never provided, he was a handsome man who was a bit charming. But you have to be charming when you have nothing else to offer…... NOW— he looks just as bad as the tainted blood coursing through his veins…..see what not having me in your life looks like? I told him he could have simply said he would like for me to be in his life and play nice, instead this man called CHILD protective Services on me for not feeding my child vegetables and lied about him not being in school. He also told them I smoked the marijuana…..Oh yeah the day he did this, he bumped up to me like he was going to fight me, I just started twerking which enraged him to say he was gonna call “dem boys” on me. I joked with him and asked the “the Cowboys??? How thoughtful of you, one of them might actually help save me from the weirdness that are ya’ll”. —-The Cowboys are his favorite team-lol. He stormed out, no, really waddled out the apartment, fumbling with his phone, sure he was going make my whole world cave in. What he told CPS wasn’t even enough to form a damn case, dude I’ve worked for that agency 17 years— drunk, high and under the influence but I’m pretty smart so yeah, I don’t know why he thought that would remotely work. Them people came, had a family style interview with my and everyone in the house and sent a letter a week later saying they were closing their allegation on me. The thing is, I never saw that man as a father more so than a big bro when he came back into my life. He never took accountability for his lack of being a parent, swooped in right before I graduated college, I still blame myself because I saw what he did to that woman over the years and just shook my head at the thought of him thinking he was getting away with his responsibilities. I accept him when I have NEVER accepted a sexual partner like him unlike them little girls after me. I do commend that woman for filing whatever she did to make him payback TANF/Medicaid, some child support, he just stopped paying it back about two years ago and all of his kids are adults—-what a shame!!!!! This man assumed this mentally ill woman would be okay with raising 4 girls without support somehow. Would fuss about us living in the projects while he was homeless himself, telling her she didn’t need to be on food stamps, like nigga how was we going to eat??? That was one of the things I told him before I went no contact with him, he admitted he was a coward, I told him the point is to do better from your past. He is doing much worse if he thinks someone like him can bring me down. This man only has a band of broken souls and people he is attached to, I was the best thing going for him and he has made sure to totally fuck that up. He’s always been a messy keeping gossip, cunt, but he is no diva!!!!! He wouldn’t even be able to crack it in the part of the gay world I’m a part of. That man drives trucks and takes his poundings mean and hard on that road. We met in Atlanta once, had dinner with live music, baby was so far up the keyboarders ass I didn’t know what else to do but to cover my face a bit—- and I don’t embarrass easily. Of course he got his number, I didn’t ask or say nothing afterwards, but of course he could be more of himself with the “glue” that was leading his piece of shit of family together over the years. No more though. He is going to die a fucked up loser, leaving a legacy of nothingness like the rest of the sorry family he came from. It goes without saying if they left me in charge of anything, no funerals and bodies will be cremated….I promise :-)